Supporting Your Partner After Their Bariatric Procedure

The decision to choose bariatric surgery is significant and comes with many fears and doubts along with excitement for a new life and future. Because of these ups and downs, we stress to each patient they need a support system beyond our practice. While we are happy to field questions and help them through the more significant issues that affect post-op bariatric patients, they also need day-to-day support from loved ones, including family and friends. Therefore, as a spouse or partner, how can you help your significant other in their bariatric journey?

Start Before Surgery

We get it. Your partner is not the only one worried about a surgical procedure. You may be wondering if they are healthy enough for surgery, or if surgery is a drastic option that they should avoid. You may even believe bariatric surgery is the easy way out, and they should recommit themselves to weight loss through diet and exercise. While these are all common feelings, the best way to navigate them is by being a part of the preoperative process. We encourage significant others to join their partners at the initial consultation to understand the benefits and risks of surgery and ask questions they invariably have of the surgeon. Significant others can be a part of the process even sooner by attending our online bariatric surgery seminar that discusses the basics of weight loss surgery and prep for what’s to come.

After surgery, however, is when a partner’s support helps the most. Immediately after surgery, physical limitations will limit the patient’s ability to function fully. They will require being driven around for the first several days to a week after surgery. It will not be safe for them to drive either due to anesthesia or the abdominal pain from surgery. Over the first several weeks of postop life, patients will also need to lift only 10 or 15 pounds, which means the significant other will need to help them with some day-to-day chores.

A need for exercise in the form of daily walking is also a part of early recovery. Most patients may not feel up to walking in those first few days as they are recovering from the surgical procedure and on a clear liquid diet. As a partner, getting them up and around is the best thing you can do for their health and swift recovery. The postoperative packet will list all the information needed.

During the first several weeks of postoperative life, patients will also be significantly limited in what and how much they can eat. A partner who is aware of dietary limitations can help the patient by preparing meals and potentially even participating in the postoperative diet to some degree, which can make life a lot easier.

Ongoing Emotional Support

We can’t stress enough how vital ongoing emotional support is to a bariatric patient. They will have ups and downs as they lose weight and their body changes dramatically. For some, these changes come with hormonal fluctuations that can alternately raise or lower their moods. It’s so important to understand what your significant other is going through and be patient with them as they navigate a new and uncertain time. You are also an excellent lookout for any developing mental health concerns. Remember, food can be addictive, and some patients may replace this addiction with other less-than-ideal behaviors. You can work with your significant other to understand and agree on when to intervene. You can also employ a mental health professional to help navigate the more challenging times.

Addressing Your Insecurities

A common concern among spouses and partners of bariatric patients is they may be left behind as the patient changes their lifestyle, becomes more social, and wishes to get out and experience the world. This is very intimidating for many partners, and we certainly don’t blame you if you experience those feelings. However, understand that the patient is simply living the life they may have missed in the past. Being a part of this new life and feeling secure your partner is still there with you is the best way to achieve compromise or even get you out of your shell. Fighting these newfound feelings and opportunities often makes matters worse.

Participate in the Transformation Yourself

Whether you have excess weight or obesity or not, participating in your loved one’s postoperative lifestyle can be a great way to bond and improve your health as well as theirs. After the first few weeks postoperatively, patients will be on a relatively normal diet and exercise program punctuated by moderation rather than starvation. It’s a diet we want them to remain on for the rest of their lives and represents a good balance of high protein and low sugar. You can most likely participate in this diet without any adverse effects and may also optimize your diet. From an exercise perspective, your loved one will be expected to perform cardiovascular and resistance or strength training. These incredibly healthy exercises should also be a part of your life.

A Thought Experiment

One of the most important things for bariatric patients and their supporters to know is obesity is a disease. It is NOT due to laziness, poor hygiene, or not having found the best diet. It’s no different than being diagnosed with high blood pressure or diabetes.

Consider this. If you went to a cardiologist and you were told you needed open heart surgery, neither you nor your loved ones would question that. If a woman had a breast lump and a biopsy was recommended, she would have that done yesterday. Why should bariatric surgery for obesity be any different? The answer is “it isn’t”. Society tells you to just eat less and exercise more. If that were going to work, it would have already worked. Nobody chooses surgery as their first choice for weight loss. Everyone we see for surgical consultation has tried everything they can to lose weight.

The Bottom Line

So, with that said, every patient needs the support of the people around them, especially their closest family members, partners, and friends. While many will support them verbally or peripherally, as the closest person to them, you can further help by being an integral part of their lifestyle change. From participating in that change to being a part of their enjoyment of a new life, you can influence the direction of their success and even become healthier yourself.